Armello

Right then, listen up you lot. Today we're talking about Armello, and let me tell you something – proper Shakespeare stuff, except with wolves and rabbits wearing fancy clothes. This is where real alphas come to establish dominance in a kingdom that separates the wolves from the sheep, literally and figuratively.
Now, I used to be like you lot, sitting there playing casual games, probably eating crisps and wondering why life isn't fair. But then I discovered this absolute beast of a game, and it's like going to the gym for your brain, except instead of lifting weights, you're lifting the crown of a dying king. Mental, right?
First things first: if you're looking for hand-holding and participation trophies, delete this game and go back to Candy Crush. Armello is built different - it's got that rare sigma energy that demands respect. The moment you boot it up, you're hit with absolutely god-tier hand-drawn art that shows the devs weren't playing around. They put in the work, and now it's your turn to grind.
The gameplay? It's like they took every board game in existence, put it through a brutal training regime, and came out with this absolute unit of a strategy game. You've got cards, dice, and more ways to assert dominance than at a business meeting with Jared Kushner. And let me tell you something about the combat - it's about as balanced as my diet during bulking season, which is to say, it isn't. But that's life, innit?
You know what's properly based? The fact that there's no comeback mechanic. When you're behind in this game, you're proper behind. It's like nature - survival of the fittest. Some people complain about this, saying it's "unfair." You know what else is unfair? Evolution. Deal with it.
The multiplayer? It's like trying to organize a reunion tour for your old class, except everyone's a sigma male trying to establish dominance. People quit faster than men backing out of a conversation about women's rights. But that's good! Natural selection, innit? The weak leave, the strong survive, and I'm sitting here becoming more based by the minute.
Here's the thing though - and this is absolutely crucial - despite all its flaws, it's properly addictive. It's like going to the gym: sometimes you hate it, sometimes you love it, but you always come back for more because you're on that grind. The stories it creates are more epic than my Twitter feed during a cancel attempt.
Look, I'll be honest with you - this game isn't perfect. It's got bugs that'll make you want to throw your protein shake at the wall. The multiplayer setup is more complicated than explaining comedy to someone who's trying to cancel you. But you know what? That's part of the grindset. Embrace the pain, embrace the chaos.
Final verdict? - PROPERLY BASED AND ABSOLUTELY MENTAL. If you can embrace the chaos and don't mind occasionally shouting at your screen when a rabbit assassin murders your carefully crafted plans, you'll have a good time.
To all you kings reading this: stop sitting there nodding along. Get in there and start your grind. And remember what I always say: "Life is like Armello - the weak complain about RNG, while the strong adapt and keep grinding."
Stay blessed, keep lifting, and remember - if you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough. Now excuse me while I go practice my dice rolls with these 50kg dumbbells.

Steam User 8

Reviewed last year

Right then, listen up you lot. Today we're talking about Armello, and let me tell you something – proper Shakespeare stuff, except with wolves and rabbits wearing fancy clothes. This is where real alphas come to establish dominance in a kingdom that separates the wolves from the sheep, literally and figuratively.
Now, I used to be like you lot, sitting there playing casual games, probably eating crisps and wondering why life isn't fair. But then I discovered this absolute beast of a game, and it's like going to the gym for your brain, except instead of lifting weights, you're lifting the crown of a dying king. Mental, right?
First things first: if you're looking for hand-holding and participation trophies, delete this game and go back to Candy Crush. Armello is built different - it's got that rare sigma energy that demands respect. The moment you boot it up, you're hit with absolutely god-tier hand-drawn art that shows the devs weren't playing around. They put in the work, and now it's your turn to grind.
The gameplay? It's like they took every board game in existence, put it through a brutal training regime, and came out with this absolute unit of a strategy game. You've got cards, dice, and more ways to assert dominance than at a business meeting with Jared Kushner. And let me tell you something about the combat - it's about as balanced as my diet during bulking season, which is to say, it isn't. But that's life, innit?
You know what's properly based? The fact that there's no comeback mechanic. When you're behind in this game, you're proper behind. It's like nature - survival of the fittest. Some people complain about this, saying it's "unfair." You know what else is unfair? Evolution. Deal with it.
The multiplayer? It's like trying to organize a reunion tour for your old class, except everyone's a sigma male trying to establish dominance. People quit faster than men backing out of a conversation about women's rights. But that's good! Natural selection, innit? The weak leave, the strong survive, and I'm sitting here becoming more based by the minute.
Here's the thing though - and this is absolutely crucial - despite all its flaws, it's properly addictive. It's like going to the gym: sometimes you hate it, sometimes you love it, but you always come back for more because you're on that grind. The stories it creates are more epic than my Twitter feed during a cancel attempt.
Look, I'll be honest with you - this game isn't perfect. It's got bugs that'll make you want to throw your protein shake at the wall. The multiplayer setup is more complicated than explaining comedy to someone who's trying to cancel you. But you know what? That's part of the grindset. Embrace the pain, embrace the chaos.
Final verdict? - PROPERLY BASED AND ABSOLUTELY MENTAL. If you can embrace the chaos and don't mind occasionally shouting at your screen when a rabbit assassin murders your carefully crafted plans, you'll have a good time.
To all you kings reading this: stop sitting there nodding along. Get in there and start your grind. And remember what I always say: "Life is like Armello - the weak complain about RNG, while the strong adapt and keep grinding."
Stay blessed, keep lifting, and remember - if you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough. Now excuse me while I go practice my dice rolls with these 50kg dumbbells.
Steam User 6

Reviewed last month

Solid gameplay, but the atmosphere is what really makes this game shine.

Devs, what do we need to do to get an Armello animated miniseries from the art team?
Steam User 5

Reviewed last year

One of the best board game experience you can have on Steam.
It's just a shame that the online is dead, so better bring friends or be ok playing against AI.
Steam User 4

Reviewed last month

Completely kicking myself for not having tried this years ago. This game is right up my alley, patient gridbased tactical game that hasn't quite worn off it's allure with me yet.
I am not playing multiplayer, I'm playing exclusively offline on Steamdeck and it is a great experience.
Steam User 5

Reviewed last year

Slight learning curve, but a fun, quick game once you get the hang of it. You may need to play a few matches just to understand the mechanics. I find myself playing game after game.
Steam User 4

Reviewed last year

Fantastic board game! I'd completely recommend it more so if you have a friend you know to play online with. Also so many dice.... so many....a dice goblins dream! haha
Steam User 5

Reviewed last year

The best way to play this game is with friends. This game is also a good way to end a friendship.

Armello

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